Cancer on Board!

So a lot of you may have heard or seen on the news about these cancer on board badges. I was asked to try one out so this post is all about my experience.

On more than one occasion I have been on the tube and said, I feel like I could do with one of those baby on board badges but with cancer on board, this was even more apparent on the day I had my egg retrieval operation. My appointment was at 9am at Guys hospital, I had to travel in from Essex, I had been fasting since the night before and obviously for the 2 weeks prior I was injecting myself with hormones. I woke up in a lot of pain, I was in joggers and no make up and I had to get the rush hour train into London, I was in tears before I got on the train as I knew there would be no seats and I was doubled over in pain, I had to actually ask someone if I could sit because I was crying and in so much pain, I had to ride the tubes standing….I fainted when I arrived at the hospital.

I have to admit although I had said this would be a good idea actually wearing it, to begin with left me very nervous and very self conscious. It took me 2 months, apart from close friends and family, to openly tell people I had cancer so to have a badge announcing it was a bit daunting. I had an evening in London to see a play, so I put my badge on and travelled up by myself, on the first train, C2C it was not that busy so there was not much of a problem. At the station prior when waiting for the train there was a gentlemen that kept looking at me, I can’t say for sure if it was because of the badge or what, it is hard to say.

The next tube again I was able to sit down anyway, the following tube I was stood up, again more than one person looked at my direction and did a few double takes, I am not a mind reader but it felt more like they were trying to decide if the badge was for real and if I actually did have cancer as I don’t look like I do, my chemo means I keep my hair but that does not mean I had no symptoms, you just couldn’t see them/I hide them yet it in a way felt like people didn’t quite believe me.

The tube and train was very busy coming back but still I was standing, no-one offered or said anything or to be honest bothered to look up and take notice.

Now I don’t know if people were just too busy to look and see the badge, maybe it was too small for them to read (although I wouldn’t want a big badge) or maybe they saw me and decided that I looked ok therefore I was alright to stand, I really can’t say. I have again used the badge on another occasion and again no-one offered me a seat or said anything. Therefore I am still not completely sold, I personally think they are actually a great idea and if you are happy and confident enough to wear it go for it, unfortunately I think the other people on our trains are either too busy or remain ignorant to others around them, maybe they have never experienced any illness themselves or maybe they are so consumed with their smart phones that they just do not notice. I have said before that many people ignore baby on board badges so a part of me wasn’t surprised that it was the same for me.

I am not sure what could change to make these a success as I really think they are a good idea and will help a lot of people, from my own experiences and others I have spoke to it is not just the physical effects from cancer but also the psychological such as anxiety, this can mean that going out even in itself is a more difficult experience, or the thought that they may not be able to sit can be daunting, again to others this is an ‘invisible’ illness. So what can be done to make these ‘invisible’ illness more visible yet still protecting the privacy that people want to keep,  as a part of me feels like why should I have to wear a badge telling people my business, a very personal bit of information that took me 2months to tell people I knew, yet that other part is I know I may look normal to the rest of the world and how nice it would be to be able to sit down.

I still am not sure of the answer, but I am very appreciative of those who do let others in need sit and also to James Mcnaught for bringing more awareness to this issue.

 

Caz xxx